Back In The US of A...And Not Very Okay

I'm Back Babeh!

I am back on beachy soil-sand, and under the scorching summer sun.

I have bumped into quite a few people from my past in the past few days as well. Things have changed yet stayed the same, yet not really..they have totally changed. Half my town feels like a zombie video game scene, thanks to all the dead trees and the basically barren, have not seen anyone in three hours of walking around the main street, feel to it. The only routine thing is the loudness of it all. The yelling, the chores, the quibbling, the fact that our treadmill is covered in pee and boxes of hangers that needed to get thrown out. It sort of feels like I'm not really here. Like its all some dream and I'm walking through this big empty house with only three of my dogs on my heals, and just nothing to do and no one to spend time with. My days are spent trying to workout (but my dog Penny thinks we are playing a game, goes for my legs, and eats my shoes while I'm still in them!), putting sun block on, swimming in the pool for 3 hours around midday, and cooking something healthy for dinner before going to bed in my fantastically comfy but lonely bed. Now that I am back on this side of the pond, all the people who claim they have missed me, and want to go out and do things with me, are just walking past me like I should beg them to join in on their fun which they clearly want me to not be around for. Fine, I get the large bold print hint. I am not needed or desired here, huh? Granted I have seen my Seashell, and spoken to my Song Bird about doing things in NYC soon, but not much else has been happening. After my brilliant night out with Seashell to see Murder Ballad (my fracking God was that show amazing!) and drinking tons of wine, New York has once again lost its luster.

 

Is it just human to long for things from your past? Pleading with the visa department and beeggin to get back into the UK or Italy seems fruitless so far. Right now, I miss London. I miss the cleanness of it, the quiet, the odd emptiness and openness of the streets that can flood with people in under a second. I miss the accents, the perfumes in the air on the tube.
Do we just get nostalgic for these exciting or peaceful places and people, or do we just miss the way we felt there? Were the 90's so fantastic, or was it just that I was young and still learning? Well, the 90's and early 2000's were fracking fantastic, if I blur the bullying and the crippling self doubt away of course.

But now I feel the hot breeze spill into the room and hear the Zicadas humming loud. Over in London I miss new york. I miss the colors from the sea, the breeze, the sun light- Oh the glorious sun how I miss you beaming down on my ready and waiting to get back to normally tan colored skin. So maybe I should stop caring about who wants me here, who doesn't, and who just walks straight through me. Being a tan ghost might have some benefits...like I could get more stuff done...while being more tan?