Over bored and Over Sexed...A reivew on my week with Mr. and Mrs. Grey

Remember how I told you my boyfriend's mother had given me some books to read, when I had hardly anything to occupy my long days, before school began? Well, the 50 Shades books did the trick. Not a good series for substance like Harry Potter, Sookie Stackhouse, or World War Z, but a nice, silly, and very sexually informative read. Now I am no prude....well, not anymore anyways. It used to be that anytime someone said something non-sexual, but made a sexual face and touched me, I would giggle and turn redder than a beet in a salad. Being an actor, basically stop being shy about sensitive subjects or get out of the game.

Be Comfortable With The Uncomfortable.....

One of my closest friends has his own blog / website / online business: one pertaining to some sexual and quite interesting subjects. But this is no site for the faint-hearted, the prudish, or the under age. I have written an article about my readings and musings, and here is the link to my first published article! 

http://ohhmy.co.uk/blog/review-fifty-shades-trilogy/ http://ohhmy.co.uk/

WHooooooooooooooo! I am a writer!

How To Deal With: Old Injuries 1 (The Morning of the Cripple)

When an old injury acts up, usually it doesn't mean you cannot continue your day right? Maybe pop a few pain killers or some anti-inflammatory pills, and you can push through the day until you can climb back into be and ice it. But when you have an injury to the foot, and one that has required not 1 but 2 major surgeries, your day is shot. Well, to be more accurate, what you had planned on being your day is shot, and a new kind of day unfurls at your...feet...
horrible pun...

 

A lisfranc injury - one you should actually only get if a horse stomps on you, not if you slide 6 feet, barefoot, in a rehearsal space during an acting class warm up at 9 in the morning - is a bitch. You wake up one day, it is a little stiff. you spend about 15 min in bed making sure it is okay to walk on, by stretches and exercises you have learned from over a year of Physical therapy, and then carry on with your day. That night you elevate it for a little while. I am supposed to ice it at night, or whenever it hurts badly, but I don't. Where am I to get ice on a train in the middle of London?? But some mornings, you forget to elevate it the night before (for like 2 weeks), and you do your morning's 15 minute check-if-I-am-good-to-walk test and all seems fine. Until, even through the fog and dreaminess of your sleepy brain, you put your foot on the ground and try to stand. And instantly you are awake, eyes bugging out of your head cause it is 7 am, people are sleeping so you cannot cry out, and your brain tells you in a frightened sad voice, 

"I don't think you can make that long commute today. Yesterday you had no seat on either side of the train journeys and walked back to the house when you should have taken the bus."

After hating myself for about 10 whole minutes, I tried to convince myself it wouldn't be so bad, that I could do it! A good pep talk can make armies run to battle, a girl feel confidant in herself enough to head to school, but not today. The second I tried to bare weight on that injured foot again, I knew I couldn't do it. I wouldn't have been able to walk down the stairs to put my shoes on. Or put my shoes on! So, hating myself for an additional 10 minutes, solely thinking about how my class needs me, and I must get to school to help them with our stuff, my boyfriend just stares at me. Worry, mixed with a bit of awe at the conversation in my head maybe, and trying to put his foot down...god I hate these puns...about making me stay to nurse myself for tomorrow and relax today.

Now I am in bed, with three elastic tension bands, an ice pack, a laptop, and a cheap top-up mobile to call into school to let them know I cannot come in. You feel guilty with an injury like this. You are needed or are desperately excited to do something vital for the day, but you have to take care of your injury instead. After a while, some people - who shall remain name-less on here but not face-less in my head - have thought I was milking my pain out so I could get out of doing things, or faking the injury for attention. 

Trust me bitches, FUCK YOU. 

 

If I could fake this, I would be so much happier. Then I could wear high heels again, dance all night and still be fine to go to the gym in the morning. I hate that this happened to me. I was isolated in a room for 3 months after the first surgery, my whole summer spent in doors and in such horrible pain (I had to crawl down the stairs, more than once, to use to bathroom. You don't know dignity until you had to hop on one leg for 3 weeks every time you had to throw up or pee or god forbid both.). Then, not fully recovered, pretended that the pain had ebbed and went to school in another country. Anytime it was unbearably awful, I had to tell a faculty member, and it was embarrassing. The second summer of pain was not as bad, because I know knew the joys of the internet (previously, all I used it for was research and online games. I now know of reddit, pinterest, and other just addictions) and what to expect of the pain. 
Today is the first in many weeks I have been physically halted in my tracks...fucking puns...

I will be fine, is my mantra. 
It will get better, the other mantra. 

I hope so, inner me. I do hope so.

Bye For Now!

How To Deal With : Moving Part 1: What To Expect When Your Waiting

When moving into a new place - be it an apartment (flat), a house, an attic above a bowling alley, or a shack in the woods - there are a few fun facts you learn that you were never taught about life and adulthood. And that schools should prepare you for adulthood as well as academia.

For instance, did you know dry rot is a bitch?

In theory, of course you did. But in practice, we have actually been forbidden to move into our new flat until it has been annihilated. And I am not being over dramatic. Dry rot, mold, and termites are the caners of floor boards. You have to gut them all out or it will spread to other parts of the place. Thankfully, our flat's only issue is the dry rot, and we have been given an ETA on moving in. Sadly, two weeks. I say sadly, because I start University on Monday (TOMORROW!?!), which means commuting back and forth from where I am right now will be 2 1/2 hours...One Way. Normally, that wouldn't be so bad. I am a New Yorker. 5 hours on a train means listening to music or an audio book, completing homework assignments, watching a movie/tv show on my i-pod, or scribbling ideas about a novel that will never see the light of day. But 5 hours everyday, monday-friday with a swing on weekends? Ooo, right. Swing weekends are weekends where I may or may not have to be at school (or in the area) to rehearse and/or study. 

Now another fun fact.                               The stuff. 

I packed my whole life into 4 large suitcases, 1 small suitcase, and an backpack. My boyfriend? Oh, he has packed 1 medium suitcase and that's it. He can't really complete his luggage until we get the real move-in date, because he has a real, adult, job in central London. I am really proud of him, but are all boys like that? I'm not a high maintenance gal, but I still have 4 bags in his garage. Granted most of those are books and heavy winter clothes, but still. Are all boys able to pick up and leave so quickly? Is it because they don't need as much stuff as women do? Or is it because there are more things we women think to bring? I am living out of the small suitcase and the backpack these days anyway . . . in my boyfriend's parents' place. Not a bad set up for a temporary displacement, because honestly they are a great pair. Both funny, easy to be around, and not a judgmental or mean bone in them.

Fun Fact 3 . . .

. . . The waiting . . .

 

 
                          
                                              

While we await our soon to be newly painted, re-carpeted, and dry rot free home, it is important for me to keep busy. I HATE down time, especially when I'm so used to helping or being busy. I became a bit bored and stir crazy after only three days. I have gotten lost in the woods, found two really great restaurants that are not pubs (Chinese and Indian), worked out for 3 hours one morning (mostly kicking and yoga, and old fight routines), baked a harry potter spice cake (I'll post it later), cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the bedroom, sung for 1 whole hour in the shower, gave myself 4 manicures and 2 facials, braided my hair 4 different ways, passed by a lot of little play parks while forcing myself outside on the sunny days, and started reading a book his mom gave me. Things will pick up once I start classes, which is what makes me enjoy the lazy early mornings, the quiet and the calm.Starting to enjoy sleeping in really...this could be the start of a bad habit...but I am totally fine with that for now.

I will keep you informed on any new developments, but as of now? No flat, 5 hour commute to school, and desperate for new reading materials that have to do with theatre.

Bye for Now!

Welcome Back Day!

So heeeeeeerrrrreeeee's Ashley! 

No! Not her! ME!!!

Yes, I AM back! Finally!

I know, I'm the worst! But there has just been sooooo much going on!

*        *        *       *         *

So as you know, the last time there was anything new on this lovely green canvas was back in July. My boyfriend had come to visit, and being so thoroughly distracted, I took a mini vaca from a very young blog. I had so many more ideas for the site, and new articles, I even had plans for vid-blogs on here to show you how to do certain cooking tricks that other novices would slit your throat for. But sadly, when I returned to my precious newborn, she had been stolen. Well...hacked would be the better term. It seems that my fight for Pandora's Recipe Box was not over, but this time the war was not from within. I won her back though! After re-launching the site however, all my stories and photos were gone, and starting over seemed inevitable.

But how can someone start over a blog with a goal and a count-down clock?!?!
It had been brought to my attention that the goal, the original 1 year deadline, might be a negative instead of a positive. 

What if I didn't get to my goal, but still had an amazing journey? 

Nope, still failed. 

So FUCK IT! 

BOOM - Dead line gone! 

And now for the last nail in the coffin . . . To my dear readers . . . 

I am sorry . . . But . . .

SOME SHITS ABOUT TO CHANGE!!!!!!!!

Why? Well, because back in the beginning I wrote a lovely piece on why everyone should take that little voice in their head telling them that "you will fail", or that "you suck", and shoot it in the face. And i stand by that. So to behead that little bitch, I am changing the negative. There is no more time deadline for the weight loss. This is for me, and to be healthy I can't measure my many successes against one failure.

Now there have been a few changes in my personal and professional life. 

 

Firstly, I got into a graduate school. That's right people! I'm gonna get my Masters - British Style. I start this Monday. SOOOOOOOOOOO excited!

Second, I am moving into a new place, with the boyfriend. Never really lived with a boy before. Mostly only girls ever since I was eight and started sleep away camps. So that's gonna be weird.

And third, I finished reading all the recipe books form the summer reading list, and will post reviews on them within the next week. AND a new reading list will be up to replace the old one!

Bye for now!

When life gives you no time to relax...

Hey all! Sorry about the lack of chatter, but for now all I can say is new jobs you hate exaust you. I will be posting new articles and rants within the next few days. Again sorry about the delay! XXX

Clean Up, Clean Up, Everybody Everywhere!

Is there anything more satisfying than your entire space being clean and organized? In my book, only one, but its right after a long shower when my body and mind are clear and relaxed. But it is that time of year once more! The time of year when the closet needs reorganizing, due to the weather change, the time when your makeup table needs a clearly defined area for sun block and tanning oil, the time when you dust, you vacuum, you wash, you disinfect! But it can get tiring. But what has Disney taught us kids to do when we clean?

I bet they are all dreaming of sleep or relaxing!

Whistle While We Work! Have a song to sing to get the job faster! Make it a game, so we can enjoy it! But, something we didn't realize would happen to us, we would always be alone cleaning. The amount of dishes I have to do is astronomical, the amount of continuous cleanup is pretty unbearable. But when you live in a house, one person cannot do every chore alone, without going mad!

How have I staved off this decent into crazy town? Oh I haven't at all! I own property in crazy town, and one of my friends is on the city council. But enough about my life, it's time to get down a dirty!

I have a few play lists specific to cleaning, and today I give the newest one to you! 

So enjoy some brilliant tunes, get to that cleaning jag, and make everything sparkly clean!

Play List 1 : Cleaning Trax A

1. Welcome ........................................................... Christina Aguilera
2. The Curse of Curves ......................................... Cute Is What We Aim For
3. Getting Married Today ..................................... Stephen Sondheim
4. Roxanne Tango ................................................. Moulin Rouge
5. Outta My Head (Ay Ya Ya) ............................... Ashlee Simpson
6. Starlight ............................................................. Muse
7. Johnathon Fisk ................................................... Spoon
8. 1972 ................................................................... Josh Rouse
9. Paint It Black ..................................................... The Rolling Stones
10. Bicycle Race ...................................................... Queen
11. Obsessed With You ............................................ The Orion Experience
12. Just Feel Better ................................................... Santana (Feat. Steven Tyler)
13. We Can Do It ...................................................... The Producers
14. Betrayed .............................................................. The Producers
15. Egosita (feat. Pitbull) .......................................... Belinda
16. Can't Help But Wait ............................................ Trey Songz
17. Everything You Want .......................................... Vertical Horizon
18. Til I Hear You Sing ............................................. Love Never Dies
19. Heavy In Your Arms............................................ Florence + The Machine
20. Devil Take The Hindmost ................................... Love Never Dies
21. The Ruler and The Killer .................................... Kid Cudi
22. Let's See It .......................................................... We Are Scientists
23. Why Does She Love Me ..................................... Love Never Dies
24. House Party ........................................................ 30H!3
25. I've Just Seen A Face .......................................... Jim Sturgess (Across The Universe)

How To Deal With: Family Stress

Living with a tough, stubborn person? The sound of their voice make you want to smash sculls, punch babies, or get in a bar fight? Do you envision bad things happening to this special person? Well, you are not alone. Sadly, everyone has that one person who ruins their joy, who decimates their happiness, who spits in the face of your dreams. What's worse? Some people get more than one in life, and other enjoy being those people.

Before I settled back to my home, I had a fine day. The weather was brilliant, the heat was gorgeous, and I had great news. I laid down on the couch, enjoying the love of my furry devils (a.k.a. dogs), but then I heard it. That car door slam. The front door slamming minutes after. The sucking in of mucus, coughing, burping, and farting as he stomped around the house. Then the smell plumed in the air. The cigar smoke, faintly hiding the rank odor of death and un-minty breath, leaving a trail as he sulked through the house. Making underhanded, snide remarks under his breath, and sometimes aloud pretending nothing is wrong until the knife twists in your soul, as he smiles.

There will always be a person who loves to knock you back, with every step you take forward. Their voice, just hissing in the back of your head every time you doubt yourself. Punch that voice in the face. Refuse to bow to that kind of soul-sucking self-hatred. Prove them wrong, by being happy. Yes, easier said than done. I admit it, family is difficult to run away from. I want them in my life, yet at the same time, I would love a fighting free zone and a stress-headache free life.

What about you, my lovelies? Anyone else feel like family can be a deterrent for self-esteem and/or life goals? I send you all hugs, and wish you luck. I wish I could say that it gets better with time, but honestly it just gets better with distance.

Adivce for the night? As of now....headphones, music, and an exit strategy. Have a playlist of music that can calm you, distract you, and/or revitalize you. Have noise canceling headphones, the kind that allow you to tune the whole world out. Get in your car, get on your bike, go do something healthy, but get the hell out of there! Don't stay there, don't force yourself through it. It won't help you, it will only make them happy. And as I have said before, DON'T LET THE FUCKERS WIN!!!

(Little side note: Any of my family members reading this? Sorry but I am not taking this down. Be mad all you want. Tattle on me to whomever you wish. But ask yourself one thing as you do that, okay? Are you a person who enjoys causing stressful situations? Cause in my experience...you might be)

The Hunter and Gatherer Diet... A.K.A. Life before Agriculture

Imagination is the key to life. 

We use it throughout our lives to create the world around us, as well as other worlds to escape from this one. As children, this plane call imagination is more fertile and abundant with life and love, and ideas that could change the world. Actors and writers use their imaginations and empathy to envision the worlds of the past, to bring truth and life to times that have past. A question that has always tugged at me was finally answered by one of my old acting tutors not too long ago: How can we engage the past in a more poignant way, a way that our audiences can see as well as feel?

“What did they eat? What did they hear around them in every space they passed through everyday? What did they see everyday, and not everyday? What historically was happening in their town/city/life around them? Answer these, yes. That is important. But more so is committing to it. Make the food they would eat, and only eat their dietary restraints for 2 weeks. Create their space as best you can, and immerse yourself in their home, their town, and their country. Listen to their music, read things they would read, try some of their chores, and hobbies, and maybe their job a little. There is a difference between method acting and The Method you know. Method acting can help you find the honest details of the world of the play and the characters in that world. The Method is losing who you are, as both an actor and a person, to create someone completely new to live in your body…its like inviting schizophrenia into you.” 

Now I know this is specifically an acting exercise, but I was wondering how I could use it for this blog and for life. I mean, in the fifties they ate things with real butter, high in sugar and saturated fats, but their portion control was excellent. And so different were the 1800s on foods in general. But what about hunters and gatherer from before humans decided to grow their food and cage live stock? That idea has become so relevant for me lately. Not many people can use the earth to feed them anymore.

Do you know the difference, just on sight, on what plants you could eat in a forest and which would kill you instantly?

 Do you know how to purify water, make shelter, start a fire, make a kill, clean it, and cook it without a kitchen to help you? Most people say, nope. And why shouldn’t they, when the Internet has become more common than pickup a book at the public library, or renting a video and the local Blockbuster. But what happens if there is a catastrophe, or an apocalypse, or another war that hits home? How would you survive at all, if you cannot trust the Earth around you to help shelter and feed you? I honestly believe people should have to learn how to hunt, how to gather, how to survive and live out in the forest for days without a radio, cell phone, or computer.

But enough of my pre-tech ranting, for now. What would these pre-agriculture people eat? Well, it is in their name: what they could hunt and gather. Fruits, nuts, berries, plants, bark, and vegetables found in nature with no growth hormones. They would have to set traps for small animals, make nets and poles for fishing, and weapons to hunt bigger game as well as cut and clean them for cooking and other things.

The Cave Man Diet Food Pyramid

So I decided to try something. I know I cannot just bolt into the woods, hoping I could try my hand at hunting and gathering alone without studying up a bit, but I want to try making a few meals the way our ancestors had to. For this next week, I will be making simple breakfasts, no special kitchen tricks or spices, that someone could easily have had before agriculture/when agriculture was just starting out.

Today’s breakfast, you ask?

1 large green apple

1 small nectarine

1 small kiwi

1 small handful of walnuts and almonds (roughly ¼ cup, I think)

and 1 very small chunk of goat cheese (the history of cheese).

Satisfying, filling, healthy, and cheap. I have to admit that these people were very smart survivalists. The whole ‘eating-tree-bark’-thing to survive when food was scarce, and setting traps for wild game like rabbits and squirrels, and chasing deer and other creatures throughout the forests of this planet, just trying to survive their world. And here we all sit, concerned with weight due to physical attractiveness, not health, survival, or the ability to run away from dangers.

So, what happened exactly to us?

How to Deal with Good & Bad Days

Do you have any friends or family members who have been dieting recently?

Ever hear about any of these?

"Free days"

"Cheat days"

"Bad days"

These are days where you go off your diet, where you eat whatever you want guilt free. A free for all of bindge eating or just that one horribly bad for you treat you cannot get enough of. I hate to say I used to think like that.

Nom. Nom. Nom. Bleeech..

I would have a specific day once a week, or sometimes a specific meal, where I would allow myself to eat whatever I wanted. The funny thing is I only really ate consistantly on diets, and mostly it was tiny portions of pathetic food, and when I was off them I would hardly eat a thing. A group of girls I used to hang out with would have something called FAT PARTIES. These are parties where we would watch movies and eat the worst foods ever. I used to bake the cookies, and heat the pizza bagels, but what I always binged on were fiery habenero doritoz and fruits. Those were my bad days, and the next day I felt so guilty about eating such non-nutritional rubbish, that I would do one of three things:

1. Eat nothing the whole day in the hopes that fasting would cleanse my system.

2. Drink so much water and eat nothing but stick veggies (carrots, celery, cucumber, etc.). 

or 

3. Just quit the diet for the next three days, eat when I had time, and not think or care about food, or weight loss, at all.

Well boys and girls, I had a bad day. But the definition of a bad day has changed. Four days ago I ate three meals, good and healthy meals with all the right portions, but I had a snack I knew I should have walked away from.Usually, I can substitute this magical item for something substantial and healthy, but no. Not then. I wish I could say it was do to stress eating, and I wish I could say it was due to emotional eating...but neither are true. It was due to the fact that they were in the house, and I was hungry, and really wanted to eat them while watching The Simpsons.

Do I hate myself?

Not really. 

Do I wish I had more control over what is in the pantry?

Hell fucking yes. 

But I do not live alone, and can only control myself. 

So, my advise? Try hard to stay on the course you set for yourself, but if you stray - or hydro-plate out of control - don't beat yourself up. The world will always have a reason to screw with your head, and eating a cookie instead of an apple

The Soundtrack to My Life...

Have you ever had a song pop up on your i-pod playlist while you were out doing something - lets say shopping, walking home alone at 3 am, or entering a gallery at a museum - that felt kismet? I mean, that totally encompasses how you were feeling and the place you were in, both the physical plane and the emotional world?

Well, it always seems to happen to me.

Wherever I go, no matter what playlist I play, or even if the music is on shuffle, it always seems to strike the right chord. Yesterday, after an audition for a children's theatre touring company, I decided duck out of the rain in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. They have a beautiful exhibit there with suits of armor and masks, and as I was entering the hall Gavin Degraw started singing Soldier in my ears. Or what about when you are having a horrible day, you're walking a long way home in the rain, and suddenly you hear the lyrics of the Weepies's song "Can't Go Back Now", and it makes you feel empowered for the future as well as mournful of the past?

Music is the food of love, and I agree with the bard when he writes, play on!

'Cause my fingers don't hurt or nothing...

Without music, I truly believe humans would be lost. Every culture, every civilization, every era has its own sounds. War has drums and fifes, the wind has chimes, even the seasons have their own soundtrack. 

I cannot do anything without music. I make playlists for everything: roadtrips, plane rides, baking/cooking, workouts, etc.  

My current workout playlist is as follows:

Secrets......OneRepublic

Everyone Loves Me......OneRepublic

Bring The Future Faster....Leslie Kritzer (Rooms The Musical)

Fear......OneRepublic

Fear of Flying.......Doug Kreeger (Rooms The Musical)

Vanity.......Hanover Swain

War Sweater......Wakey!Wakey!

We Are Young (feat. Janelle Monae).......Fun.

Everybody Talks.......Neon Trees

Without You (feat. Usher)........David Guetta

Lessons In Love (feat. Neon Trees).......Kaskade

Dirty Dancer (with Usher)[feat. Lil Wane].......Enrique Iglesias

Sins of My Youth......Neon Trees

Animal.....Neon Trees

Fairytale....Sara Bareilles

Gravity.....Sara Bareilles

Kiss That Grrrl.....Kate Nash

Never Again.....Kelly Clarkson

I'm Not Okay (I Promise)......My Chemical Romance

Come Away to the Water.......Maroon 5

Even If It Breaks Your Heart......Eli Young Band

Part of Me......Katy Perry

Shut Up and Let Me Go.......The Ting Tings

Stripper......Sohodolls

Be Italian (Club Version).....Fergie (NINE The Musical)

I Don't Care.......Fall Out Boy

This one should be good for the next few weeks, but as soon as a new mix is made, it shall be up here for you all. What playlists have you guys been using lately?

In My Own Little Corner, In My Own Little Blog...

When Cinderella heard the clock strike midnight, did she say,"oh, fuck this! I wanna keep dancing! Who cares if my clothes turn back into rags, if my face no longer shows any beauty due to the grim usually stuck to it, or how badly I'll get into trouble for this?" Nope. She hoofed it so fast she left her shoe, and didn't look back for it once.

Much in that fashion, I am turning away from my past and running toward my future...hopefully with both of my sneakers, cause this gimp's gotta have her shoe, thank you very much.

The clock has struck, and now I make the commitment for my one year goal.

1. I will lose weight, but for my health and my personal happiness. 130 lbs. And if in one year I don't lose at least 90 lbs, I will extend the date for only 5 months (so 40 or so lbs in 5 months). 

This is happening. I will not fail myself. I will succeed, in every facet of my life. Today was my first real world day, an audition in NYC during a hot and crowded Saturday. I was able to eat healthy all day, had a fantastic audition, and was able to walk 79 blocks (and more staircases than I thought I could) today. A fantastic first day in the next chapter of my life.

2. I will try to not be so self deprecating when it comes to the weight - loss, or any set backs I have. I can't preach to let the self-hate die when it lives with me, right? So, I will be kind to myself, the way I am with others. I will not hate myself for eating something that isn't quite on the plan, when there is nothing else around, but I will also try to make the healthier and tastier choice as best I can.

3. I will keep on my food diary, and my workout entry. I will continue to be as active as I can, and make sure to take care of my injury while pushing myself forward. I will be meticulous and brutally honest with what I eat and when, and I will post as often as I can to help others.

4. I will always try to give insightful advise to anyone who is concerned, like me, about health and/or injuries. I wish I had had someone to turn to when I first broke my foot to help me keep active without hurting myself so I could keep the weight off and keep the muscles from atrophying. But since we can't change the past, I will change the future for anyone I can.

5. I will find healthy, delicious, cheap, and easy recipes that can be cooked every day so my readers and I don't just eat steamed and flavorless foods forever. People shouldn't hate the health food. People should love the taste of real, substantial things. I hated being the only one in my family eating steamed broccoli, so soft I couldn't use a fork to eat it, and boiled chicken, with no herbs or anything to give it some life. Being healthy shouldn't make us feel excluded from social life, it should enhance us.

6. I will not hate myself for the failure of things outside of my control. I will remember that I am human, and can only do so much. I will take care of my injury when it is bad, I will take introverted time as required, and I will sing at the top of my lungs to make my soul feel free.

7. I will always keep an open mind, and a curious nature. I will never stop learning, and I will always want to learn more. So please, my dear readers, feel free to post articles and comment on posts (with pertinent information regarding topics discussed) or send me notes about ideas, recipes, or questions you have.

For now, that is everything in a nutshell.

Henry David Thoreau once said, "Go confidently in the direction of you dreams. Live the life you have imagined." And instead of dreaming Peter Pan would whisk me away some night, or something supernatural would shake my world's foundation to its very core, I will dream with a pinch of reality. I will run toward the future I will create, and I will love every second of the sprint.

The Only Thing I Cannot Resist is Tempation...

It is always easier to resist those sweet deliciously evil little treats we all indulge in, at the beginning than at the end.

G'ahhhh Twinkies!

There are moments, silent moments, where a person will be staring at that one, or maybe more than one, tantalizing treat with longing. Maybe what you like are Twinkies, or nectarines, or maybe its diet coke? But we all have something that makes our mouths water, our knees quiver, and our wills disappear. 

I was once deprived for 6 months of bread and candy. Now when I say deprived, I mean that everyone in my house would eat tons of it in front of me, made me feel excluded and shunned for being unable to indulge in it, and actually swat my hand if I went for any of it. So one day when I was completely alone in the house, I tried to binge on black cherry war heads, and Salsa Doritos. I tried...and failed so miserably, that it proved I could never truly over eat! My mouth was cut open by the Warheads, and the spices from the Doritos made me so dehydrated that the room was spinning. I spent the night by the porcelain throne with 2 water bottles, desperately trying to save my equilibrium. Because of that, I don't really eat candy or sweets much, though I'll make then often enough. Too much of a good thing...well, not a good thing exactly, but my point is still valid, I swear!

Then there are those pesky habits we try to shake in order to shed a few inches. From Fad diets, to starvation, we trick ourselves and each other into thinking that these will work. Reality Check! Come on! How will you lose weight, or stay healthy and fit enough to escape an attack from zombies or thugs, by not working out ever and/or only eating the very absolute minimum? You make yourself sick during this 'diet' and then blow up like a hot air balloon the minute you go off it, that is what always happens! I had a friend once who ate nothing but kiwis, toast with hummus and water and would only travel by walking or rollerblading for a whole month just to lose 10 lbs! Crazy, right? But wait! How about the guy who used to drink nothing but Muscle Milk, Slim Fast, and laxatives during the week, but on Saturdays would eat anything and everything he could get his hands on? That one freak you out? Just wait: Once he ate 3 large pizzas, 2 large orders of fries, a grilled cheese, and 2 large cucumbers all by himself, in one siting, and 2 liters of Diet Coke. He was addicted to diet coke.


But hey, I am nowhere near saintly! Evey single one of us has a habit they cannot break or, at best, a food they will not be able to give up. Before you start journaling, you should identify what your temptations are, and note how much you love it, how much of it you eat, and at what time/how many times per day/week/month.

 My List of Temptations

(When it comes to weight loss)

 

Foods I love/Cannot Give Up:

 1. Nectarines

2. Chocolate

3. Spicy Things

4. Tea 

5. Pastas/Rices

6. Wine 

(Red & White)

 Activities I love/Cannot Give Up:

 1. Watching movies on Laptop

 2. Lazy Morning Ly-ins 

 3. Relaxing Baths 

  (Introverted Time)

 4. Baking Desserts

Once you have identified your own personal lists, you can begin to substitute certain bad habits for healthier ones.

For example, I now eat spicy hummus and carrots instead of spicy chips or pretzels and I sometimes watch movies while on the treadmill instead of just kicking back to watch them. I also ride my bike into town to keep in shape, save on gas, and work on my tan.

Now . . . What can you do to help you? Set out some short term goals for yourself. Its summer in a couple of weeks! Make some plans to stay active in the hot air, the cool waters, and always remember to wear your sun block! No one likes melanoma. xx

Just Checking In!

Hello to you all!

Tomorrow is my last very day as an undergraduate student. Such a weird feeling, isn't it? Four years and POOF! After all the late nights, memorizing, and under appreaciation is coming to a close at last. What am I gonna do after I graduate? PLEASE don't ask! I have only the vaguest ideas, like the majority of the 2012 graduates. This world is in need of us all, but there are hardly any jobs, and everything is about who you know, right? But if another "adult" asks me one more question about the future, or how I am going to make money, or how I should be scared of my future:

 THIS IS WHAT I SAY TO YOU ALL! 

But thanks to the goal for the year (Starting in 2 days!), I feel a bit more in control. A teacher of mine once said, "The world is like a thick forest. Our job is to give you the axe. Yours? To hack your own path through. So start, young Lumberjack." Wise words from a weird man. But it is very true. There are times in life, especially when we are young, when we think life is a straight path, but we are wrong. We are trained to think that the path is direct: Middle School, High School, College and/or Grad School, Dream Job, Marriage, Kids, Life, Grand Kids, and then BOOM. We meet the dust we all came from once more. Whoever started this lie should be hanged in a tree, and it should be televised! There is no one path, success is not a straight line, and anyone who says otherwise is selling something, so shoot them. Life is chaos. Life is beauty and pain. Take the quiet moments when you get them, and just keep going when you feel you're lost. You'll get to where you need to be eventually.

But for right now I honestly feel like this:

See you all soon, when the bell rings. xx

Let The Self Hate Die, Already!

Ever Had to Deal With One Of Those People? You know the ones I mean! The girls who cry cause they ate a grape, or those guys who are so obsessed about being ripped that they don't own shirts that fit them properly?

What do I do if I ate too many carbs yesterday?

None today? None for the rest of the week?

God, I'm such a fat ass, I ate that whooooole  cookie! Should I just live on the treadmill or what? Wahh... Wahh ...Wahh!

 Just shut the hell up!

Trust me, hating yourself over what you eat is the hardest habit to break. I have been there, a few times...maybe like hundreds...but the point is, STOP! Hating yourself is not gonna help you. There are plenty of people in the world who will gladly shred your self-esteem to tatters - DON'T HELP THEM DO IT! You are your own master, to quote Aida. No one but you is in charge of you. Yes, you will eat junk food, yes you will accidentally eat too much of your favorite food, and yes sometimes you will even have more than one glass of wine...for fun...not to help your heart. We all do it. There is no shame! People lay on the guilting just because they want to do it! I am not gonna tell you, "never eat cake." It just won't happen, it is unrealistic of me to lecture anyone. Cake is AWESOME! Well...except American fruit cake...that stuff is shit - But the point is RELAX!! No one is a saint when it comes to their favorite foods ( I myself am addicted to nectarines), and it is every one's cross to bear

 

...unless you are Jewish like me.....and then its our star of David to bear....

ANYWAY!

Yes, over-doing anything is bad for you. And why? Because life is all about moderation. The human body should not binge drink daily, because it would die right? So, given the same logic, eating copious amounts of non-healthy foods will also put your body out to pasture at a much earlier date.

This being said, there is a way to help make you honest about what you eat, without the self hate and residual longing stair at that box of donuts at work.

WRITE IT DOWN!

I started keeping a food journal when I was 8 years old, thanks to something I like to call Fat-camp-Auschwitz (that is not the true name of the camp, but let's pretend shall we?) "Nutrition classes" were all about "healthy substitutions" and we had to write down all our unhealthy decision, and we were told exactly why we were making stupid choices. Now, of course this is traumatizing and in no way shape or form am I suggesting this blog be about publicly flogging its followers into embarrassing situations. But as an adult, there was one thing that made sense. I would forget to eat on a daily basis, and I am the type of person that remembers everything she writes down. So, to keep me on the straight and narrow, in this case 'actually eating 4 times a day', I kept to a schedule. I would have 4 designated times to eat, and I would either make or buy something to eat at that time. This took 3 months to flesh out into a much better, much more flexible eating day. Now, this is what my food diary usually looks like:

Food Diary Example

  8:30 am

2 eggs over easy with 2 pinches of Cayenne pepper

4 medium strawberries and 1 kiwi sliced

2 slices of whole grain toast

1 Earle Grey tea (light and sweet)

1 pm

My Tuna Salad Recipe 

(see recipe)

 Small garden salad, drizzled with the juice of half a lemon, pinch of cracked black pepper

(cucumbers, tomatoes, green olives, thinly sliced onion and carrot, etc)

3 pm

Small apple, 1/3 cup of spicy hummus, 1 - 2 cups of carrots 

(depending on how hungry I am)

7 pm

Veggie Stir Fry 

(Many different variations and recipes)

10 pm

Something Sweet 

(like cookies I have baked recently, or popcorn if its a movie night)

"This will be the hardest step in the direction of healthy living. When to eat, what to eat, and how much to eat will be difficult for those first few months."

- Jason Verdisco

If I have to be totally and bluntly honest, there is a reason this process took so long to stick. It is tedious, annoying, and people made comments ("who does that?" was a popular one). Social pressures, like going out to lunch and/or eating unhealthy foods at social gatherings, are always difficult to navigate. Most of the time, when I was growing up, it was a wright of passage to leave the school grounds and go out to lunch with people. Most of the time, these restaurants were Chinese take-away, pizza places, sushi bars, or fast food chains. And being the only one getting a chopped salad and water, when every one else is devouring garlic knots and slices, and guzzling down soda, can be awkward. As we get older, however, everyone becomes obsessed with health, which flips the social stigmata in the opposite direction (if you are the only eating bad things, everyone else will judge you). 

So my advise? 

• No one is perfect, and everyone will eat bad stuff sometimes. So take a breather! You can eat your favorite foods, you can eat health foods, you can do whatever you want! But remember it is all about moderation!

• Buy a nice, small book and start writing down what you eat.  The more you write, the more you will be aware of what choices you make. The only thing you loose by eating healthy and being more active, are unhealthy habits and the excess fat.

Blow Out The Candles, And Make A Wish...

Birthdays & All Their Glory

Another year, another day older. The old days where birthdays were momentous occasions with themes, invitations, guest lists, goodie bags, and sometimes pinatas, are, as the raven would say, nevermore. Now, if one is lucky, one's birthday is filled with possible facebook well-wishes, possible hangouts if people are not busy with other things (and usually those are in bars, or in apartments, with so many liquor bottles it will seem like you are a party of pirates just after a raid), or like me, spending your day trying to find things to do to make the day seem even a little special.

Today's Agenda:

1. Laundry
2. Cleaning:

   (Room, Kitchen, & Car)
3. Skyping with British Boyfriend

4. Pick Up Indian Take-Away (or take-out) From New Favorite Restaurant
5. [And Lastly, if at all possible] Watch a movie, either at the cinema or in my bed, alone. 

I am sorry world, but does that not sound like a pathetic birthday? First world problem, I know, but come on! Everyone deserves an amazing birthday. It is the one day a year we all get to be a bit greedy, and no one judges us on it! The day we can eat anything we want, do anything we want, drink anything we want, dress like escaped mental patients and sing in the streets! . . .or is that just theatre birthdays?...Whatever! This is one of the key philosophies of my life, and I try to keep to the code every chance I can! 

{In fact, last year for my boyfriend's 23rd birthday I had a huge weekend planned: First, I let him have introverted time (Another personal philosophy: Everyone should spend at least one hour per day alone, to detox from the stress of life and stupid people, to do something relaxing and/or fun), while I created 30 cupcakes from scratch! I made 14 Piglets (strawberry frosting and sponge cake), 14 Owls (chocolate frosting, and sponge cake), and 2 Abominations (half piglet + half owl = POWEL). Then we went down to Brighton, UK, for the whole weekend, and met up with his friends in a bar (originally this bar had been filled with old school video games, and pin ball machines, but they were moved without a website update!), and spent the whole night traipsing about, looking for funny drinks and fun times (a.k.a. bar hopping). The next night, when we got back to his place, I cooked dinner (Sweet Potato Mash, Red Wine Sauteed Mushrooms, and Grilled White Truffle Fillet Minon, wrapped in bacon). Best girlfriend of the year award, check! Great birthday memory, check! }

I love planning parties, but I never seem to have anything fun planned for my own. My family goes in five different directions, and ever since my 16th birthday, not even a family dinner has come together. For my 21st birthday, all I wanted was a family dinner where I could drink as much wine as I wanted and not worry about having to drive home. But my father took everyone out to dinner, thinking my birthday was the next night, and I ended up having my mom yell at me in a hotel bar (which was text-book sad movie bar: blue lighting, windy boardwalk backdrop, sad jazz music floating in the stale air, and only 4 people in the whole joint) claiming I was ungrateful and negative. This year, I fear, will be no different. 

How can it be, when everyone who cares about me is busy or in another country unable to celebrate with me? If I could have my secret heart's birthday wish, and it could only be for the 24 hours of my birthday, what would it be? I would want to have a lovely picnic in a meadow, relaxing and quiet, with nothing to worry about...or at least a full night of drinking, singing, and dancing at my three favorite bars/dance clubs, back in London.

CATCH 22 - Shoreditch, London

But with any {birthday} luck, this year will be different.

Birthday Luck

There is something to this, at least in my life. There may have never been a birthday where I got exactly what I wanted (parent planned parties, people invited who didn't like me/bullied me, or family dinners that were filled with in-fighting), but I always end up with what I need from the outside world. Birthday luck, according to Urban Dictionary, is "a nuclear explosion of luck that happens inside you. It causes you to have the ability to do anything". In my personal history, May 11th has given me some beautiful gifts: one year I found a book in the middle of a parking lot (it became one of my personal favorites), another year I found eighty dollars, and once I even went backstage to watch a Broadway show! Tonight, I walked the streets of my town, door to door, filling out job applications for every bar, bar &grill, and restaurant in there area, crossing my fingers and focusing all my positive energy to get me a job! With my charming smile, my pretty face, and my winning witty self, I shook every one's hands and hopefully got my foot in the door for something that pays and has consistent days! Birthday luck, work your magic!!

So, as of now, my birthday is in 10 minutes. Maybe I used up all the luck tomorrow has to offer? Maybe I wont even get one of the things on my to-do list done? Or worse! I could get called into school to do something utterly pointless, the equivalent of busy work for kinder gardener.

Now, for bed!

And may tomorrow be filled with luck, gifts, and happiness!

Welcome to your briefing...Enjoy...

Welcome to Pandora's Recipe Box! As the name promises, there is more in store. 

Let me start off by saying, there are tons of blogs about recipes, weight loss, time management, and people's lives, and this one will be nothing like them.

This blog is for me, and every person out there like me. The girl who runs around like a chicken with its head cut off, just trying to keep her head above water day by day (or whatever imagery suits you best). Ever forget that you have not eaten all day because you were too busy to notice? Ever wonder why you can't drop a pound (and not British currency)? Ever wish nap time was mandatory for all ages? 

Well, I have. A LOT. And finally I have decided to take matters into my own hands. 

The goal for this blog? Personally, I have two.

The first is for me: To lose 150 lbs in one year.

For one full year ( Saturday, May 19th 2012 thru Sunday, May 19th 2013) I will submit everything from the healthy recipes( and not-so-healthy-yet-deliciously-decadent ones) on my daily menus, to pictures and videos on how to make them all.

The second is for all of you: A helpful guide.

I will upload my music mixes to work out to, nifty and thrifty ways to help anyone stay in shape and get healthy, and anything else I can think of that would help my over working, stressed out, and self-conscious brethren and sistren. 

For now, as in for the next twenty two days, I will be uber stressed out and busy with my Senior year of my Undergrad career. I will try to post as often as I am able during that time, but no promises.

Once the clock strikes, the story can begin . . . x x x