There are moments that define us. Some people say a song encompasses that moment, or a kiss changed their world forever. Maybe a sentence was all it took to shape who they became. Perhaps there was a moment of absolute terror, or pain, or tragedy that shaped you. There are choices we make that can change our course, for better or for worse. Then there are situations or rules that take that choice out of our hands. And sadly, sometimes the only thing you know, the only thing you have between you and the world...is a god damn towel.
Today, I woke up late...for me that is. 8:45 doesn't seem too bad, considering the only plans I made for my day was cleaning my childhood room, sorting what will eventually go into storage, and possibly stealing/borrowing my mother's car to drop in on my Sea Shell for an impromptu day of cruising and scouring the land for a gym. I stretched, just some yoga poss, and felt like a shower. After grabbing a towel from my room (laundry day downstairs), I snuck into my parents room to take advantage of their usual 2 hour absence to indulge in their spa-like shower. There were wet towels everywhere, obviously the shower had been recently used. I suds-ed up without too much thought, scrubbing my scalp with shampoo and scouring myself in perfumed hot hot water.
After toweling off (and remembering all my clothes needed to be thrown in the dryer for the next hour), I meandered over to our hallway's extra large window with our Gatsby-like chandelier in frame.
I glanced up to see the weather was fantastic, perfect morning to go swim and get tan. Maybe I wouldn't steal mom's car. Maybe she took it instead? So I checked. I glanced down to see if my mother had taken her car with her out today, even though I figured she'd walk since I had her car keys. It was there. And so was she. On the ground. Bleeding. I ran out of the house, still only in a towel, to get her inside. It was so bad that she didn't realize I was there. We got into the house, and I left her by the front door to get dressed. She collapsed again, crying out to me. Still wrapped only in a towel, I tried to pick her up again when I realized we were not alone. Somewhere in my parents' house my sister and her boyfriend were around. Were they asleep somewhere? Were they even here? I couldn't just hoist off the rag and nakedly carry my mother to her couch as I called an ambulance. Screaming for my blondie sister would help. She's a softball star, strong and semi-doctor-demi-god-like. She woke up to me yelling for her help, and ran down the stairs half asleep to find me, toweled up trying to heave three dogs away from our drooling, semiconscious and bleeding mother. I left her to get mom to the couch, not really thinking more than "clothes. now." Hastily, I pulled on my wet 'I heart NY' pajama bottoms and yanked my soft, baggy blue t-shirt over my head. Slipping my flip flops on as I rushed out of the laundry room, together my sister and I collected mom's emergency documents, her keys, and her glowing and active mobile. For some reason, my mother decided now was the right time to call literally anyone, and then hang up after a ring or two.
Between her boyfriend, my sister, and myself, we got mom in the car and to the ER. With a little laughter and some over the phone shopping, we somehow got there...to find the computer systems were down.
She is fine now. The worst thought didn't creep in until I was standing back in the drive way where I found her maybe 6 hours before. I found her, the girl who lives in another country most of her time. My dad left hours before, wasn't answering his phone for ages, and (had we not reached him) would have spent the day playing golf far away. He wouldn't have been home for hours. My sister was asleep, and had plans of her own for the day. Who knows who or when my mother would have been found. Would she have stayed on that hot sidewalk? Probably not, knowing her she would have tried to crawl inside the house (which she did try until I picked her up). There would have been three energetic and rambunctious dogs surrounding her though, which were her audience today. She was so out of it that she wouldn't have called 911 - I tried and she hung up the phone. The moment when she cried out for me, her voice was so quiet and out of it that, had I not already seen how bad she was or been farther away than I was, I would never have heard her timid and trembling plea. My sibling was behind a blocked door asleep. The dogs were yipping around my mother on the floor. Her sounds would have been masked and missed all together.
Currently we are making noise about getting my mother a Life Alert buzzer.
Watching someone who has been your pillar of strength and hero of hospitals your whole life become weak, helpless, bleeding, and incoherent - well, let's just say you seem to pull up shorts and gasp awake all at once.
Training can kick in, and boy does that help, but it's not enough. I've stitched up a friend's thigh, washed a few friends in their clothes after a binge booze night, helped a few with severe physical and mental crises, but never in my life have I watched my mother's eyes go dim before. That was truly the most harrowing moment of my life so far. And all I had between me and that world was a towel.
Is it just me, and if it is that is totally fine so brutal honest here would be appreciated, but this so called 'real world' that they promised, prodded, and punished us with kinda sucks.
Bye For Now XX
