Thursday, June 20, 2013

How To Deal With : Sleep Deprivation and Ramblings


After a night of insatiable insomnia, still have absolutely no idea as to the why or how of it BTW, and sleeping all throughout the day I am now wired near 1:30 in the frackin morning. Should I grab that sleeping pill by my bedside and drift the night away, or try to stay awake all night again in the hopes that my hours will revert back to daytime creature soon? I miss my morning routine! You know, wake up at 5 am all bright eyed and bushy tailed, head off to the gym for an intense 2 hours of sweat and smiles, and hit the ground running for the rest of the day. Maybe take in a show after a 10 hour day, or go out dancing til 3 am and start all over again.

But lately it feels like I am in a rut...a schedule one.
Do those exist? 
With not much to do during my days, unemployed and out of school for now, you'd think my apartment would be a bit cleaner. But cleaning is usually what I do when I am agitated or angry or worried or stressed...let's just say that you see me in a clean version on my room means I've been beating it up. But is this usual? Once out of school, waiting for someone, anyone really, to higher you for any one of the thousands of jobs you've applied for is kinda just a waiting game. I've heard the joke all my life about how actors are just waiter who struck luck, but honestly are we not all just waiters? Not the food server people, they seriously are amazing and I don't know how they can stay chipper in the face of ass-hole customers. I mean, are we not all just waiting?

Think about it. When you are a kid, you are waiting to be grown up. When you are a teenager, you are waiting for college. In college, you are waiting for that dream career to start. And then you graduate...and you work, but its not the dream job. Not this job, no, this one's my 'money-to-survive' job. I specifically remember hearing when I was a kiddie in the park from my dad that there was this path. A success and life path. You start in childhood, got through the school system and get good grades, get into a good college/university to receive a high degree, and then get the job that is the stepping stone to the career you always wanted. Then you work in your career, making money to support yourself and have enough money in the bank to own outright your own house somewhere. Throughout this time you date people, but never get into anything serious. Find someone you love who loves you back, marry them, and buy a house to live in with your kids. During all this time you must also save up for when you get old, and will have medical bills and stuff.
Wasn't this a great movie ? ! ? !

I know, a lot to tell a kid, right? But this path stuff was shoved down my throat for years until I believed it was my own belief. Worse than crazy catholic nuns with left handed people, my hand to God...Oops. God pun.
Kids are constantly told that, until they are 18, their lives belong to their parents. Their social lives happens underneath and in between the scheduled world of the adults around them. We are always waiting for our lives to begin, in our bedrooms or in the hallways of some a-typical high school. So much so that when it is our turn we have no idea. We can spend our whole lives waiting for our chance, that fleeting tiny flash of perfection that is truly ours, but we could miss it in a New York minute. 
Boom! 
image
Snap!
Poof!
http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6nmkiETKo1r7dkwy.jpg
Now you are in charge of other people, making sure that they have everything they need. The focus is on them, making sure they come first instead of ourselves. Oh adulthood, what a perfect trap you are.

Anyways, maybe I should pop that NyQuil ZZZ pill. Non-addictive or habit forming, I swear! No itchy wrists or drug addiction here. I'm nowhere near that interesting. I know they say sex and pain sells, but that is not on the menu here on this 'health and ranting' blog I am running.
Sleep well to those of you who can.

I am off! But before I beg my pillows for a sweet dream, here is a list of some of the stuff I have done to occupy the hours I was meant to be silent and sleeping.

How To Occupy the Silent Hours when Sheep Just Wont Do It!


  1. Silent workout (mostly yoga, crunches, leg lifts, and stretches)
  2. Sketch, Draw, Creative yet Silent stuff (paint it out, or doodle)
  3. Write (blog stuff, correspondence, to do lists for the rest of the week)
  4. Fold clothes
  5. Listen to music (tried unsuccessfully not to dance around)
  6. Watch Buffy, Archer, and Victor/Victoria on the TV
  7. Pamper Myself (nails, trim hair, tweezers brows)
  8. Down a HUGE water bottle
What do ya'll do to get through bad nights like these? Please tell me. Totally willing to try anything just short of bad for my health or tattooing myself in the face. 

Bye for Now x

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