How To Deal With : Avoiding the Binge

Is there nothing more frustrating than a fool running his mouth?

There was this effusive man on the street today that had the nerve to tell me that if person doesn't want to eat when they're bored, then they just shouldn't do it. 

Have you ever tried to sit down and analyze the difference between if you were hungry or bored?

It is difficult task, especially when you are the type of person who only eats generally, due to outstanding over-scheduling. My one true test, the one that has never ever failed, is one I know everyone has faced at some point in their lives. Have you opened a cabinet or fridge only to think, 'eh, nothing looks that good, but I know I want something"? In that moment you are telling yourself,"hey I feel like eating in general right now, not because I am hungry but because I feel like eating." People don't think like that of course - otherwise we would all be healthy physical and mental specimens. This mouthy man got me thinking. Who would actually sit down, think about how they were truly feeling, and then-instead of following a muscle memory habit-decide on a different course of action? Maybe someone who would have been taught the difference between boredom and hunger? It has been 20-something-years and I'm still learning that lesson.

I Dare You To Not Think About Pink Elephant Cookies!

Pink Elephant Cookies??

If someone tells you not to think about a pink elephant, all you can do is think about that fuchsia son of a bitch, right? So, by the same logic, when you are not supposed to think about something or do something that's all your mind can focus on. The same thing happens when at home, minding your own business, your only sudden desire is food. You think you might be crazing that little nosh. But you are not only indecisive about what you want to eat, but the quantity holds no shape in your mind either.  Oh sure, you can test yourself to make sure you are famished (see below for details), but who knows you better than yourself? Belief is a strong thing, ask any God-believing person, but denial is stronger, ask any shitty parent.

When a person is running on a high emotional level (sadness, anger, stress) the same thoughts creep in. This reasoning runs deeper than a mere fancy, it has become a habit. We see it all the time in film, sit-coms, literature, and commercials. Humans finding solace trough booze, drugs, and food is viewed as an average everyday thing, until it becomes abusive. And most people excuse it, calling it a normal and healthy response. It may be tasty, it may be normal, but it should not become your normal if you want to feel confidant about your appearance. Finding solace through food is the number one way of releasing control over your fitness dreams. This habit will further your rationalization that not only will eating that entire family pack of chips make you feel better, but that by repeating this action during this situation you'll feel better. The band-aid approach will only last so long! 

Hypocrisy Drives Me Dizzy...Sort of Like Stupid People

"Bad day? I'll get the cheese cake!"

It is a complete catch 22. 
Old habits die hard, and this one's a doozie from the whole of human response. Some people will say the most obvious of facts, just so they will sound like they know what they are talking about. They claim they know how you feel, because they have themselves faced similar conditions. The sad fact is that people who push phrases like,"What passed the lips, stays on the hips," are making judgments about you, themselves, and prove that humans are hypocritical by nature.

"Don't think about food.You are trying to loose weight, so count the calories, but don't obsess."
"Don't eat when you are bored either. You should learn the difference."
"Do not eat past 8 o'clock at night if you want to look good."

Others never know the journey of the people around them. To tell someone how to think, or feel, or act is an irrational and judgmental way to go through this life. I'm handing my personal list of busy work. If, like myself and a few of my friends, you feel like you need some help avoiding the binge fest in your kitchen, then maybe some of these tricks will help. Anytime I want a little snack, but have just eaten, will be soon, or should be getting to bed but cannot sleep, these are tasks that help me stay in control. No, I don't just rush off to the gym every time I need a distraction. . . I'd get all dizzy. 

 Ways to Avoid Mid-Meal Misdemeanors

1. Indulge in something filling but empty. If you are not sure if you are hungry, drink water. You will feel full if you are not actually hungry, and the bonus of getting hydrated is always helpful...especially during the hot days we are in for!
2. Avoid It. Chew Ice, Gum, or my absolute favorite, Listerine stripes. You stay hydrated, and minty to boot!
3. Distract From It. If you're not sure you're hungry, and have already had water but still want something, distract yourself with something that requires your full participation and attention. (I like doing my nails, especially if it is late at night, or other beauty tricks. Sometimes I'll brush and floss my teeth with extra attention, or I will try a new face mask. Teach yourself a new hobby or trick, like sewing or cross-stitching. I like learning new songs or monologues. . . or, you know, grab a good page turner of a book or hit up some Internet page you love to read! Wink Wink )
4. Get Out & Get Active. All you need is a good walk, a bit of fresh air, or a swim to fully feel yourself. (Maybe then the realization that you probably should have had a snack will dawn on your pretty head and you will feel less guilty for mid-meal snacking.)
5. Cave In To It. Sometimes the habit gets the better of you, and feeling guilty about it is just pointless. You want results, work hard. Don't punish yourself, all you'll get is a complex! You want better or faster results, work harder! Never deny yourself anything...except maybe bad things...like super chemicals...or dangerous stuff.

To give into a binge does not grant one permission to berate oneself. It means you fell back on an old habit, one that does not benefit you in any longer term way. Perhaps that was too many ones, but you get my meaning. To gain healthy means to give up old and unhelpful patterns- be they food related or simple notions from a fool's open mouth.

Blow It off with a kiss, and walk away...

Bye For Now XX

How To Deal With: Introverted VS Extroverted Time

Being and extrovert in a relationship with an introvert is truly strange. 

I can be in a room filled with people, 7 days a week, working by butt off throughout that week, and only maybe needing a bit of along time. My boyfriend/fiance is the complete opposite. He can work hard for a solid day or go out somewhere new with me, but will desperately need a few hours each day to decompress and be alone. We have lovingly called this time "Introverted Time": Time where we can do whatever we need to feel grounded and happy. Whether that means being in one's own space, or out doing things. 

People have asked, "how can you deal with those kinds of fundamental differences in the relationship?" Honestly, and trust me I know how much of fool I sound for saying this but here goes, because we really do love and respect each other. Yes, we have different approaches, but we are actually excited by the same things and enjoy trying new things. You can only push someone so far, and as long as you respect that, then there is very little friction. Every now and again I'll want to go out, do something, and he would rather stay in. So? Who really cares? If it is not absolutely important to the other person that we go, we can just talk about it. I have friends I can go out with if he really needs the time to recharge, and he can go out with his when I need space too. These should help you, because the truly do help the opposite to understand.

VS

How would I spend introverted time, seeing as how I am the opposite? 

I'd rather spend my Me time doing something. I don't know, maybe it is the Disney princess in me, but give me a task to do! I absolutely hate down time and having nothing to do. I love being busy! I crave somewhere to go each day, dancing all night meeting strangers and having spontaneous adventures with my friends! When I am stressed, worried, or upset, the desperation for distractions is dire. I will clean like a fiend; every room, every surface, every item will be spotless and organized. One time I reorganized every drawer and cabinet in my flat, washed all the tiled floors by hand, and vacuumed so much that our home looked like a hotel. Sadly I always forget to document those moments in photographs to prove to my mother I know how to clean. 

• 

Other times, for instance after the rooms are clean but I have not expelled my emotional funkiness, I will head out the door to do something in the world. I'll head to the gym and kick my ass that way. I go for long walks, in no particular direction, and explore the city where I live. Back in New York I would head to the canals or the beach so I could watch the water. Anything at all really, so long as I am active. And then there are those rare occasion, those scant instances, where I pamper myself.
I'll get all girly and break out the tools. I'll set up a nails station, run a bath, get my hair cutting scissors, put on some relaxing music or an audio book I've listened to a million times before and relax. I'll read magazines - the tabloids, the intellectuals, and the Cosmos I've been neglecting due to preoccupation - I'll drink detox water (3 pints of cool water, 3 table sppons of cranberry juice, mint leaves, 2 lemons sliced, and 3 slices of cucumber), the works. I call them the girly spa days, where nothing on earth will make me feel happier than to stop the world and feel all clean and groomed. I save these days out of true need. And today I need it. I have been feeling icky lately, mostly my stomach. I have a super big audition tomorrow, and that means that I have to be feeling great, looking pretty and be confidant. Prepared as always! The outfit is set aside, the bag packed, the directions to the place written down, all alarms set for tomorrow morning, and packing a lunch later on today! The first half of the spa day, the setting up, is underway! I'm cleaning the flat as much as possible, before heading off to the gym for at least an hour. Then, after a final cleaning sweep, will my pampering truly begin. Nails, brows, hair, facial, and my absolute favorite bath salts in a warm bubble bath!

Yeah...She wishes she could go home with this bath...

But how would you cope without introverted time?

I'm a complete and utter extrovert, but even I need some time alone. Reading for me is an escape into another world, a conversation with new people and new topics. Revisiting old books is like reconnecting with old friends, but I'm not alone when I read. What do introverts, who are not video-gamers, like to do for their introverted time? What do other extroverts do for that matter? I am completely curious but not many people have answered this question.

Well, for now that might be all. Cause it is time for my Me time!

Bye For Now X

How To Deal With : Sleep Deprivation and Ramblings

After a night of insatiable insomnia, still have absolutely no idea as to the why or how of it BTW, and sleeping all throughout the day I am now wired near 1:30 in the frackin morning. Should I grab that sleeping pill by my bedside and drift the night away, or try to stay awake all night again in the hopes that my hours will revert back to daytime creature soon? I miss my morning routine! You know, wake up at 5 am all bright eyed and bushy tailed, head off to the gym for an intense 2 hours of sweat and smiles, and hit the ground running for the rest of the day. Maybe take in a show after a 10 hour day, or go out dancing til 3 am and start all over again.

But lately it feels like I am in a rut...a schedule one.

Do those exist? 

With not much to do during my days, unemployed and out of school for now, you'd think my apartment would be a bit cleaner. But cleaning is usually what I do when I am agitated or angry or worried or stressed...let's just say that you see me in a clean version on my room means I've been beating it up. But is this usual? Once out of school, waiting for someone, anyone really, to higher you for any one of the thousands of jobs you've applied for is kinda just a waiting game. I've heard the joke all my life about how actors are just waiter who struck luck, but honestly are we not all just waiters? Not the food server people, they seriously are amazing and I don't know how they can stay chipper in the face of ass-hole customers. I mean, are we not all just waiting?

Think about it. When you are a kid, you are waiting to be grown up. When you are a teenager, you are waiting for college. In college, you are waiting for that dream career to start. And then you graduate...and you work, but its not the dream job. Not this job, no, this one's my 'money-to-survive' job. I specifically remember hearing when I was a kiddie in the park from my dad that there was this path. A success and life path. You start in childhood, got through the school system and get good grades, get into a good college/university to receive a high degree, and then get the job that is the stepping stone to the career you always wanted. Then you work in your career, making money to support yourself and have enough money in the bank to own outright your own house somewhere. Throughout this time you date people, but never get into anything serious. Find someone you love who loves you back, marry them, and buy a house to live in with your kids. During all this time you must also save up for when you get old, and will have medical bills and stuff.

Wasn't this a great movie ? ! ? !

I know, a lot to tell a kid, right? But this path stuff was shoved down my throat for years until I believed it was my own belief. Worse than crazy catholic nuns with left handed people, my hand to God...Oops. God pun.
Kids are constantly told that, until they are 18, their lives belong to their parents. Their social lives happens underneath and in between the scheduled world of the adults around them. We are always waiting for our lives to begin, in our bedrooms or in the hallways of some a-typical high school. So much so that when it is our turn we have no idea. We can spend our whole lives waiting for our chance, that fleeting tiny flash of perfection that is truly ours, but we could miss it in a New York minute. 

Boom! 

Snap!

Poof!

Now you are in charge of other people, making sure that they have everything they need. The focus is on them, making sure they come first instead of ourselves. Oh adulthood, what a perfect trap you are.

Anyways, maybe I should pop that NyQuil ZZZ pill. Non-addictive or habit forming, I swear! No itchy wrists or drug addiction here. I'm nowhere near that interesting. I know they say sex and pain sells, but that is not on the menu here on this 'health and ranting' blog I am running.
Sleep well to those of you who can.

I am off! But before I beg my pillows for a sweet dream, here is a list of some of the stuff I have done to occupy the hours I was meant to be silent and sleeping.

How To Occupy the Silent Hours when Sheep Just Wont Do It!

1. Silent workout (mostly yoga, crunches, leg lifts, and stretches)
2. Sketch, Draw, Creative yet Silent stuff (paint it out, or doodle)
3. Write (blog stuff, correspondence, to do lists for the rest of the week)
4. Fold clothes
5. Listen to music (tried unsuccessfully not to dance around)
6. Watch Buffy, Archer, and Victor/Victoria on the TV
7. Pamper Myself (nails, trim hair, tweezers brows)
8. Down a HUGE water bottle

What do ya'll do to get through bad nights like these? Please tell me. Totally willing to try anything just short of bad for my health or tattooing myself in the face. 

Bye for Now x

How To Deal With: Old Injuries 1 (The Morning of the Cripple)

When an old injury acts up, usually it doesn't mean you cannot continue your day right? Maybe pop a few pain killers or some anti-inflammatory pills, and you can push through the day until you can climb back into be and ice it. But when you have an injury to the foot, and one that has required not 1 but 2 major surgeries, your day is shot. Well, to be more accurate, what you had planned on being your day is shot, and a new kind of day unfurls at your...feet...
horrible pun...

 

A lisfranc injury - one you should actually only get if a horse stomps on you, not if you slide 6 feet, barefoot, in a rehearsal space during an acting class warm up at 9 in the morning - is a bitch. You wake up one day, it is a little stiff. you spend about 15 min in bed making sure it is okay to walk on, by stretches and exercises you have learned from over a year of Physical therapy, and then carry on with your day. That night you elevate it for a little while. I am supposed to ice it at night, or whenever it hurts badly, but I don't. Where am I to get ice on a train in the middle of London?? But some mornings, you forget to elevate it the night before (for like 2 weeks), and you do your morning's 15 minute check-if-I-am-good-to-walk test and all seems fine. Until, even through the fog and dreaminess of your sleepy brain, you put your foot on the ground and try to stand. And instantly you are awake, eyes bugging out of your head cause it is 7 am, people are sleeping so you cannot cry out, and your brain tells you in a frightened sad voice, 

"I don't think you can make that long commute today. Yesterday you had no seat on either side of the train journeys and walked back to the house when you should have taken the bus."

After hating myself for about 10 whole minutes, I tried to convince myself it wouldn't be so bad, that I could do it! A good pep talk can make armies run to battle, a girl feel confidant in herself enough to head to school, but not today. The second I tried to bare weight on that injured foot again, I knew I couldn't do it. I wouldn't have been able to walk down the stairs to put my shoes on. Or put my shoes on! So, hating myself for an additional 10 minutes, solely thinking about how my class needs me, and I must get to school to help them with our stuff, my boyfriend just stares at me. Worry, mixed with a bit of awe at the conversation in my head maybe, and trying to put his foot down...god I hate these puns...about making me stay to nurse myself for tomorrow and relax today.

Now I am in bed, with three elastic tension bands, an ice pack, a laptop, and a cheap top-up mobile to call into school to let them know I cannot come in. You feel guilty with an injury like this. You are needed or are desperately excited to do something vital for the day, but you have to take care of your injury instead. After a while, some people - who shall remain name-less on here but not face-less in my head - have thought I was milking my pain out so I could get out of doing things, or faking the injury for attention. 

Trust me bitches, FUCK YOU. 

 

If I could fake this, I would be so much happier. Then I could wear high heels again, dance all night and still be fine to go to the gym in the morning. I hate that this happened to me. I was isolated in a room for 3 months after the first surgery, my whole summer spent in doors and in such horrible pain (I had to crawl down the stairs, more than once, to use to bathroom. You don't know dignity until you had to hop on one leg for 3 weeks every time you had to throw up or pee or god forbid both.). Then, not fully recovered, pretended that the pain had ebbed and went to school in another country. Anytime it was unbearably awful, I had to tell a faculty member, and it was embarrassing. The second summer of pain was not as bad, because I know knew the joys of the internet (previously, all I used it for was research and online games. I now know of reddit, pinterest, and other just addictions) and what to expect of the pain. 
Today is the first in many weeks I have been physically halted in my tracks...fucking puns...

I will be fine, is my mantra. 
It will get better, the other mantra. 

I hope so, inner me. I do hope so.

Bye For Now!

How To Deal With : Moving Part 1: What To Expect When Your Waiting

When moving into a new place - be it an apartment (flat), a house, an attic above a bowling alley, or a shack in the woods - there are a few fun facts you learn that you were never taught about life and adulthood. And that schools should prepare you for adulthood as well as academia.

For instance, did you know dry rot is a bitch?

In theory, of course you did. But in practice, we have actually been forbidden to move into our new flat until it has been annihilated. And I am not being over dramatic. Dry rot, mold, and termites are the caners of floor boards. You have to gut them all out or it will spread to other parts of the place. Thankfully, our flat's only issue is the dry rot, and we have been given an ETA on moving in. Sadly, two weeks. I say sadly, because I start University on Monday (TOMORROW!?!), which means commuting back and forth from where I am right now will be 2 1/2 hours...One Way. Normally, that wouldn't be so bad. I am a New Yorker. 5 hours on a train means listening to music or an audio book, completing homework assignments, watching a movie/tv show on my i-pod, or scribbling ideas about a novel that will never see the light of day. But 5 hours everyday, monday-friday with a swing on weekends? Ooo, right. Swing weekends are weekends where I may or may not have to be at school (or in the area) to rehearse and/or study. 

Now another fun fact.                               The stuff. 

I packed my whole life into 4 large suitcases, 1 small suitcase, and an backpack. My boyfriend? Oh, he has packed 1 medium suitcase and that's it. He can't really complete his luggage until we get the real move-in date, because he has a real, adult, job in central London. I am really proud of him, but are all boys like that? I'm not a high maintenance gal, but I still have 4 bags in his garage. Granted most of those are books and heavy winter clothes, but still. Are all boys able to pick up and leave so quickly? Is it because they don't need as much stuff as women do? Or is it because there are more things we women think to bring? I am living out of the small suitcase and the backpack these days anyway . . . in my boyfriend's parents' place. Not a bad set up for a temporary displacement, because honestly they are a great pair. Both funny, easy to be around, and not a judgmental or mean bone in them.

Fun Fact 3 . . .

. . . The waiting . . .

 

 
                          
                                              

While we await our soon to be newly painted, re-carpeted, and dry rot free home, it is important for me to keep busy. I HATE down time, especially when I'm so used to helping or being busy. I became a bit bored and stir crazy after only three days. I have gotten lost in the woods, found two really great restaurants that are not pubs (Chinese and Indian), worked out for 3 hours one morning (mostly kicking and yoga, and old fight routines), baked a harry potter spice cake (I'll post it later), cleaned the kitchen, cleaned the bedroom, sung for 1 whole hour in the shower, gave myself 4 manicures and 2 facials, braided my hair 4 different ways, passed by a lot of little play parks while forcing myself outside on the sunny days, and started reading a book his mom gave me. Things will pick up once I start classes, which is what makes me enjoy the lazy early mornings, the quiet and the calm.Starting to enjoy sleeping in really...this could be the start of a bad habit...but I am totally fine with that for now.

I will keep you informed on any new developments, but as of now? No flat, 5 hour commute to school, and desperate for new reading materials that have to do with theatre.

Bye for Now!

How To Deal With: Family Stress

Living with a tough, stubborn person? The sound of their voice make you want to smash sculls, punch babies, or get in a bar fight? Do you envision bad things happening to this special person? Well, you are not alone. Sadly, everyone has that one person who ruins their joy, who decimates their happiness, who spits in the face of your dreams. What's worse? Some people get more than one in life, and other enjoy being those people.

Before I settled back to my home, I had a fine day. The weather was brilliant, the heat was gorgeous, and I had great news. I laid down on the couch, enjoying the love of my furry devils (a.k.a. dogs), but then I heard it. That car door slam. The front door slamming minutes after. The sucking in of mucus, coughing, burping, and farting as he stomped around the house. Then the smell plumed in the air. The cigar smoke, faintly hiding the rank odor of death and un-minty breath, leaving a trail as he sulked through the house. Making underhanded, snide remarks under his breath, and sometimes aloud pretending nothing is wrong until the knife twists in your soul, as he smiles.

There will always be a person who loves to knock you back, with every step you take forward. Their voice, just hissing in the back of your head every time you doubt yourself. Punch that voice in the face. Refuse to bow to that kind of soul-sucking self-hatred. Prove them wrong, by being happy. Yes, easier said than done. I admit it, family is difficult to run away from. I want them in my life, yet at the same time, I would love a fighting free zone and a stress-headache free life.

What about you, my lovelies? Anyone else feel like family can be a deterrent for self-esteem and/or life goals? I send you all hugs, and wish you luck. I wish I could say that it gets better with time, but honestly it just gets better with distance.

Adivce for the night? As of now....headphones, music, and an exit strategy. Have a playlist of music that can calm you, distract you, and/or revitalize you. Have noise canceling headphones, the kind that allow you to tune the whole world out. Get in your car, get on your bike, go do something healthy, but get the hell out of there! Don't stay there, don't force yourself through it. It won't help you, it will only make them happy. And as I have said before, DON'T LET THE FUCKERS WIN!!!

(Little side note: Any of my family members reading this? Sorry but I am not taking this down. Be mad all you want. Tattle on me to whomever you wish. But ask yourself one thing as you do that, okay? Are you a person who enjoys causing stressful situations? Cause in my experience...you might be)